


The BENTON manual

by Sharpiefan



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, This isn't even my fandom, UNIT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9428375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharpiefan/pseuds/Sharpiefan
Summary: Congratulations on acquiring your new BENTON unit. Please read these accompanying instructions carefully before activating your new BENTON unit, and your BENTON will give you many years of exemplary performance.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [latin_cat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/latin_cat/gifts).



> This isn't even my fandom! Pin the blame on Latin-Cat, please. Also, apologies and acknowledgements to Alltoseek, who wrote up a bunch of user manuals for the Aubrey-Maturin characters.
> 
> Please don't kill me.

Congratulations on acquiring your new BENTON unit. Please read these accompanying instructions carefully before activating your new BENTON unit, and your BENTON will give you many years of exemplary performance.

 **TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:**  
Name: _John Benton_  
Type: _Human (Male, English)_  
Manufacturer: _WHO Ltd_  
Date of Manufacture: _1941_  
Height: 6 _'2"_  
Weight: _15 stone_

 **ACCESSORIES**  
  
Your BENTON comes equipped with the following items:  
  
(a) UNIT beret  
(b) coffee maker  
(c) L1A1 SLR rifle, bayonet and rifle sling  
(d) Long wheel-base Land Rover (hard-top or soft-top variants available; which is supplied depends on stock held)  
(e) Hand-held two-way radio

**INSTALLATION**

Your BENTON unit should come ready-assembled. Please check that all accessories (see list above) have been included. Items (c) through (e) are optional extras, and if not included with the original purchase, may be bought later.

**OPERATING PROCEDURE**

Your BENTON unit is voice-activated and will respond best to precise commands given in a military, no-nonsense fashion. Please state your commands clearly. Your BENTON may offer a sharp salute when first coming into the room and will generally require dismissing before he leaves to carry out orders. This is entirely natural for the BENTON unit and should not alarm you. You may need to issue the command “Stand at ease!” before commencing other commands; this will reduce wear on your BENTON unit and will significantly extend your BENTON's expected working life.

Your BENTON unit is equipped with the Mark One Eyeball, a superior piece of technology allowing him to make an instant reconnaissance of the territory your BENTON is located in. He is capable of thinking for himself and carrying out all orders when given leeway as to the best methods to employ. Be aware that he may offer to sacrifice himself if he perceives that any YATES, LETHBRIDGE-STEWART, DOCTOR or JO GRANT units are in danger, as he will perceive those units to have a greater market value than himself, and should be deterred from doing so if putting himself into danger is likely to lead to the termination of the BENTON unit.

Please note that regular feeding of your BENTON is essential to ensuring that he is happy and contented. Any food may be applied, but heavy meals should not be administered if the BENTON is expected to be physically active within the hour. Sandwiches and biscuits may be offered throughout the day, but be aware that any YATES units in the area may enter the room and confiscate such food with little prior warning. It is also recommended that you administer meals in a room without access to a telephone or such meals may be likewise interrupted by any LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units, even if not personally present. Sandwiches may also be wrapped and presented to him to eat at a time when such distractions are unlikely to occur.

**INTERACTION WITH OTHER MODELS**

Your BENTON unit is specifically designed to interact with other units, and is most compatible with the following:

The LETHBRIDGE-STEWART (Warning: This model elicits particular responses from the BENTON and is especially formal with him. If left unattended for a while, the BENTON will 'adopt' the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit and bring him coffee or tea and sandwiches, especially if the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit has not left his office in some time.)

The YATES

The DOCTOR (especially the third model in this particular range)

The JO GRANT

The SARAH-JANE

 *****Warning***** The BENTON is extremely incompatible with the MASTER unit and should the two be left together unattended, the MASTER may forcibly render the BENTON unconscious. This is a temporary situation but may lead to headaches or disorientation for the BENTON, which should be treated by a visit to the medical centre or a check-up by a qualified medical person, despite any complaints the BENTON may offer.

Your BENTON has been programmed with the following modes and emotions:

Dutiful: the BENTON will carry out any and all orders given by the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART, or (especially when neither is present), the DOCTOR unit, to the very best of the BENTON's ability – even if the reason for such orders is not perfectly understood.

Resigned: especially when required to forgo a meal in order to fulfil an order given by either the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units.

Trigger-happy: especially useful when encountering strange or unearthly intruders

Polite: he will invariably end his sentences with the word 'Sir'. This is perfectly natural for the BENTON unit, and will be strongly encouraged by the YATES and LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units, and other units wearing certain marks or insignia.

Quick-thinking: he is unfazed when faced with blue boxes bigger on the inside than the outside, or with other models, such as the MASTER pretending to be a model the BENTON is closely associated with, such as the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit.

Determination

Loyalty

Your BENTON is suitable for a range of tasks:

Combat Driver Your BENTON is an expert driver, although best suited to driving the Long Wheel-Base Land Rover. He may also ride shotgun when other units, such as the YATES model, are in the driver's seat.

Rifleman The BENTON is an expert shot with the standard rifle, and may also employ the bazooka or rocket-propelled grenade launcher at specific targets when required. (Note: These weapons may be purchased separately from the BENTON)

Guard If the BENTON is told to guard a person or item of equipment, he will do so unless forcibly rendered unconscious, or relieved of that duty by the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units.

 

**MODES**

The BENTON has several modes, which may be selected depending on the circumstances.

 

Prison Governor (Please note: This mode is only to be used in extreme circumstances) The BENTON may be asked to assume temporary governorship of a prison. His programming means that while he is capable of performing this role, he should not be left in charge for too long without access to a YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit to give him orders and confirm any decisions he may have made.

 

Nanny If the BENTON realises that the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit has not left his office in a while, he will naturally assume 'Nanny' mode and ensure that the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART is kept supplied with tea, coffee, biscuits and sandwiches (or any combination of these which fits the situation). If this mode is activated, the BENTON will ensure that the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit is left alone by anybody who would otherwise interrupt for any reason short of a direct attack.

 

Sneak This mode is activated when in unfamiliar surroundings or when someone tries to impersonate the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit. This mode will cause the BENTON to take charge of a situation until the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units arrive.

 

Eye-candy This is an unusual mode that has been requested on occasion. This mode may be activated with the command "Stand there and look pretty!" It is generally ended by the entrance of the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units. If neither is available, Eye-candy mode may be ended by ordering the BENTON to do something useful - we suggest asking him to make coffee.

 

Slashy The BENTON unit is extremely compatible with the YATES unit and also with the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit, providing that the latter has also been set to 'Slashy' mode. (This mode is the default on the YATES unit.) It may be a little uncomfortable for the BENTON unit at first, but he will adapt quickly and enjoy the situation. Further enjoyment may be obtained by providing the BENTON and YATES units (and the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit, if this unit has had 'Slashy' mode activated) with a room containing a large double or king-size bed.

 

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: My BENTON keeps addressing me as 'Sir' and salutes every time he comes into the room. Is this normal?

A: This is perfectly normal for the BENTON unit. The saluting may be reduced by issuing a 'standing order' for him to remove his beret when in the main building – he has been programmed only to salute when wearing it. Anyone in a position to issue orders to the BENTON unit will be addressed as 'sir' (or 'ma'am' if female). The JO GRANT model will likewise be addressed as 'Miss Grant'.

 

Q: My BENTON started firing his rifle at my extra-terrestrial friends, who do not wish to come for tea while the BENTON unit is present.

A: Inform the BENTON that these aliens are friendly and will not harm anything. He may offer to serve the tea and sandwiches himself, saving you the trouble of doing so in future.

 

Q: My BENTON did not offer a comment on the size of the interior of my TARDIS when compared to its exterior. This has never happened before. Why?

A: The BENTON does not often see a reason to comment on something that is perfectly obvious to him, there is no need to worry about this.

 

Q: My BENTON looks sad-eyed and appears to be moping. Is he broken?

A: He has either had his food confiscated by the YATES model or has been shouted at by the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART. If the former, supply with sandwiches ASAP. If the latter, an offer of tea (preferably sweet) will usually restore him to his natural cheerful demeanour.

 

**TROUBLE-SHOOTING**

Problem: My BENTON model seems rather fidgety at times. What can I do to calm him down?

Solution: Tell him to change into shorts, T-shirt and running shoes and go for a run. This will usually get the jitters out of him, as well as ensuring that he does not get fat from the sandwiches and biscuits you have ensured he has had.

 

Problem: My BENTON has not been able to eat in peace, as the YATES or LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units have interrupted him every time he tries to take a bite.

Solution: Ensure that the BENTON is in a room without access to a telephone or his radio accessory, and that the YATES and LETHBRIDGE-STEWART units are otherwise occupied while the BENTON is eating.

 

Problem: I have a YATES unit which spends his time flirting with my BENTON. How can I prevent this?

Solution: The YATES and BENTON models are particularly compatible, and this is a programmed feature of the YATES model. We recommend that you set the BENTON to 'Slashy' mode. For their particular enjoyment, if you have purchased the LETHBRIDGE-STEWART, you may set this unit to 'Slashy' mode as well. We recommend also that you give them a private room.

 

Problem: Although friendly, my BENTON seems overly-fond of issuing orders, and is wearing rather a lot of... bling. Also, there seems to be a somewhat strange growth of hair under his nose.

Solution: You have been sent a LETHBRIDGE-STEWART unit by mistake. Please contact WHO Ltd for an exchange or a full refund.

 

Problem: My BENTON unit seems to flirt with everyone he comes into contact with. How can I stop this?

Solution: You have received a YATES unit by mistake. Please contact WHO Ltd for an exchange or a full refund. Alternatively, you may choose to keep the YATES unit and order a BENTON unit free of charge, as the YATES and BENTON units are particularly compatible. In this instance, the majority of the flirting will be diverted to the BENTON.

 

Problem: I have a MASTER unit and keep finding that my BENTON has been rendered unconscious.

Solution: The MASTER and BENTON units are extremely incompatible. We recommend that you exchange the MASTER unit for a LETHBRIDGE-STEWART or YATES unit. Otherwise, keep the MASTER and BENTON units separate and do not allow them to be alone together.

 

**FINAL NOTE**

Unfortunately, we cannot provide warranty cover for this model due to his sense of duty and self-sacrifice, but with good treatment and a little attention as well as regular meals, you should enjoy many years of service from your BENTON unit.


End file.
